The Lesser Water Boatman: Music From His Junk

Welcome back to Grumpy Writes, where I bring you nature’s strangest talents, whether you want to know about them or not. Today’s star? The Lesser Water Boatman, a tiny insect that makes an absurdly loud noise by—brace yourself—rubbing its penis against its abdomen.

Yes, this bug plays itself like a one-man band, creating a sound that hits 99 decibels—as loud as a passing motorcycle. And it’s only 2mm long. That’s like a flea picking up a megaphone and screaming into it.

Why does it do this? The same reason most creatures embarrass themselves—to impress the ladies. It’s basically an underwater love song, played exclusively on its junk. Imagine if human men tried to seduce women by aggressively zipping their jeans up and down.

Most of this racket stays underwater (thankfully), but scientists say if it ever figures out how to perform on land, we might all go deaf.

So, next time you feel insecure, just remember: a bug is out there belting out love songs with its genitals, completely unbothered. Confidence, my friends. Confidence.

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